True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i drank out of a bidet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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