The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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