I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
