i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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