Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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