I skipped work to stalk him.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
