he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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