I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
