I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize