We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I will pee on everything he values.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
