Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
What changed your mind?
Being sober
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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