Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
