ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
