Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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