I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize