Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize