When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
