Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
