guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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