you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
