So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
