So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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