My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize