....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
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Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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