I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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