If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
