I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
