I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
