her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
