Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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