while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She told me I should be a condom model.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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