I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
