youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
