thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
This is my gift to your gina
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
