I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize