i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
