Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
