She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
