The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
