I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
