Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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