I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
