i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
