check it out our google latitudes are spooning
even my farts smell like vagina
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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