Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
