So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
