I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Dicks are not precious.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
