apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
