Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
