Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I think I sprained my soul last night
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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