So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The struggles of a small town man whore
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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