Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Dignity is for republicans.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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