His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I skipped work to stalk him.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
