I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
