do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
