So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
