Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
