KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
