yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
