Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
