The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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