based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
